Sunday, May 28, 2006

More Reasons Why it is Dangerous to be Around Me While I am Pregnant...

For the first reason, refer to my previous post about chopping Godzilla's tail...

A couple of mornings ago I caught Mrs. Jinx's HEAD in the bathroom door. If you've seen Mrs. Jinx you know how tiny she is. Her head doesn't have much bulk to it. Getting it caught in a closing door could be instantly fatal to the likes of her.

Luckily I didn't slam the door. It was more like I just gently swung it shut behind me as I entered the bathroom. I have no idea why she was following me into the bathroom, I wasn't expecting her to be behind me (even though she does follow me into the bathroom every morning, this escaped my mind at this particular moment). So I shut the door and turn around and see her desperately trying to get her head out of the way as the door is quickly coming towards her. I yell...

Go Mrs. Jinx! Get out of the way! Hurry, hurry! Get your head out of there!!!!!

Ernie, who is already in the bathroom shaving, looks at me and says...

What the hell are you doing!?

I answer...

Killing the cat, obviously.

Mrs. Jinx, utilizing her utmost agility, quickly twisted and turned her little head to squeak it out of the doorway just as it was getting squished between the door and the frame. Like I said, she has a very little head, which may have actually worked in her favor here. She had plenty of time to get herself out of there before the scene became too ugly. Had it been Godzilla's head he would have been a goner. He's got a big one.

So, Mrs. Jinx was OK. She walked around shaking it off for a little while, and I felt terribly guilty and terrified of what I might do next, for the rest of the day.

Even more frightening is what I did yesterday morning. I left three eggs on the stove, hard boiling them to eat as snacks for when I am STARVING (i.e. all the time), for more than 2 hours. Yep. They sure were hard boiled after that. My not-cheap Calphalon sauce pan got a nice new charred finish to it as well.

Once again, Ernie and I were upstairs getting our selves ready for the day. We may have even finished watching a Netflix DVD, before coming downstairs to a terrible smell. Me..

Are you burning something?


No! It smells like eggs.


Yeah, it's gross.


Weren't you boiling eggs this morning?


OH SHIT!!!!!! Oops :-)

Of course there was not a speck of water in the pot. I suppose it was a good thing I was cooking eggs and not something with a less-offensive odor. If so, we may have walked out of the house and left it burning. I could have burned the house down!

Next example.

Me sitting at a stop light waiting to take a left turn. A giant tractor trailer decides to turn onto my street, cutting it so close he almost rams into me. I look behind me and slowly, SLOWLY I say, back up to give him some room to clear my car. All of a sudden as I am backing up there is a woman behind me, WALKING! I slam on the breaks, nearly missing her. Literally about 1/2 inch from taking her out. Both she and the woman she was crossing the street with shoot me dirty glances.

Now, in my offense, they were crossing the street behind my car. They were not in a crosswalk. There was no way I would have seen them step off the curb to my left when I was turned around to my right making sure all was clear to back up. The guy in the car behind me didn't beep to warn me or anything. And the woman obviously was not paying attention because she didn't realize I was backing up.

But STILL...I almost took her down. Scary.

One more cat example. Whilst in the middle of enjoying my breakfast my fork, for no apparent reason, leapt out of my hand and took a straight and quick projectory to the floor, the sharp prongs narrowly missing Godzilla's head. Luckily for him he was very intently watching my every move in hopes of scoring some pancakes for his morning snack. He plunged to the left, saving his little brain from being pierced.

I have no idea why these things happen to pregnant women, or to me anyway. They do say there is a phenomena called "baby brain", and I think I have it. So stay away form me when I am eating, driving or moving from room to room. And please double check the stove after I have cooked you a meal to make sure all knobs are in the off position. I think these few measures will save us all some heartache down the line.


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