Friday, November 03, 2006

"Big Box Stores" or "It Could Happen to You, Too"

Yesterday I did something I never thought I would do. In fact, I am pretty sure that I swore to never do such a thing.

I joined a big box store. You know the ones I mean. There are lots of them, depending on what part of the country you live in. But they are all the same, really.

COSTCO
Sam's
BJ's
...

Big, giant testaments to American Consumerism. I think they embody at least 4 out of the 7 deadly sins (is that right? Vices? Whatever they are - like the Brad Pitt movie, "7").

Gluttony
Greed
Envy
Sloth

And I am on the fence about Pride/Vanity. You could say that fits too if you stretch it. And Anger fits if you take into consideration the parking lots and checkout lines.

So basically, these stores are gateways to Hell in Earthly form. They are also SOOOOO suburban and just gross, to put it in layman's terms (speaking of Layman, I always wondered whatever happened to my friend Lisa Layman and her husband Brent....they were Opera singers and very cool).

But alas, I am a sinner afterall. I have never claimed to be otherwise. And I Have even been called a Heathen on occassion (by, of all people, my mother). So maybe I shouldn't be surprised by my actions. But I am. So maybe I don't know myself very well. Perhaps you all saw this coming.

This latest development is right up there with driving a minivan. I will Never, EVER, drive a minivan. N-E-V-E-R

Unless, of course, anyone knows of a good deal on one post 2001 with less than 70k miles on it? If so, please let me know 'cuz the two-door hatchback Hyundai isn't so cute anymore. Economical, yes. Practical, not so much. Did I just say that? Geesh.

Admitedly, I am coveting my dad's new Dodge Caravan. It is just so roomy.

Sinner!

I mean, I don't think it is so bad to be a sinner. Aren't we all? But I would like my sinning to at least be FUN. Right? Like sex, drugs and rock-n-roll kinds of sins. Not big box stores and minivan envy kinds of sins. Blech. How did this happen?

I need redemption. Can anyone help me out here? Any ideas on pennance? I am not big on confessions in the Catholic sense of the word, but let's face it, this blog is my running confession to the world wide web. Sort of the same as God, no??

So I ask you, please forgive me for turning that corner of no return. Please look beyond my suburban, mommy, consumerist facade and rather deep into my free-spirited, environmentalist, rockstar psyche. I promise to never, EVER pile the kids in the minivan and roadtrip it to Orlando. For another 4 years at least....

1 comment:

husband said...

I will never drive to Florida. Never, not unless we live in southern Georgia.