Call Child Services

I guess I am really the worst mother ever. Really. So call. Now.

Here I am. Late in the evening....

My darling husband has decided today was a good day to drive out to our place in Pennsylvania and get out car inspected (cuz, you know, all of our cars are registered there. Don't tell Jodi Rell - she's the Governor of CT, I think) and check on our place. Last month our electric bill was double...even though we haven't been there and the heat and water, etc. have all been shut off since the fall. We think, might we have squatters? Hmmmm....hoping I don't get a call telling me that hubby T'C et.al. are in the midst of confrontation with scary ATV-type folk (what does that mean, anyway?).

So Ernie is in PA. Today it was me and my boys. My cousin and her daughter and her friend came over for a visit. It was nice to pull my head out of the 15 year old Champion-sweatshirt-and-running-pants (Running pants? Nobody around here doing any running) day and speak with adults. They came and left, and the boys and I enjoyed a few hours of screaming before dinner.

Dinner was a bust. Only one boy decided to eat. The other one just figured he'd continue to scream. It felt good for him. Not so good for me.

So then I made the executive decision that there would be no bath tonight. For anyone. The boys seemed fine with that. In my defense, it is difficult enough to coordinate a double bath when there are two adults in the house, but when it is just me - and it has been just me all day - it is darn near impossible. So I surrendered.

Then we all went upstairs and I filled the humidifier (which hasn't been cleaned in about a month) and emptied the diaper pail. Then I changed each boy into pajamas and cleaned their faces and bottoms with a wash cloth. I attempted to give Baby A a bottle but alas, he was still not hungry. So to bed he goes with no dinner, no bath and no bottle.

Then Baby B has a swig of the bottle and takes only 3 ounces. This is a kid who typically takes 8 ounces in a shot. But 3 it was and I couldn't argue. He proceeded to fall asleep. OK.

Each is in his crib with the dirty water spewing hot mist from the humidifier. I stealthily grab the baby scissors and cut each of their 20 fingernails while they lay asleep. Ahhhh I win this battle!

Once asleep, and after doing the laundry and dishes and preparing the baby food meals for morning and emptying all garbage pails....I have a giant chocolate chip cookie for dinner and grab my laptop and head upstairs.

I check the boys and they are fast asleep. Their Rock a Bye Baby CD playing softly in their room.

So I creap back downstairs and grab a bottle of wine. Ahhh... the thought of a night to myself drinking wine and catching up on my blog reading. What decadence. And what a bad mommy. I am alone with the kiddies (and the kitties) and I am enjoying a glass or two (or three or five) of wine. C'est Teribile!

But that is the truth. I even feel like sneaking out back to have a cigarette. What will ever become of my children?

Oh, did I mention that while imbibing and indulging in the blogosphere I am watching The History of Sex on The History Channel (actually, I only caught the last 10 minutes of it. Now it is all about the Visigoths and the Roman Empire - seems like the same thing to me)?

I tell you, I am an abhoration!!! (is that a word? It must be the wine talking now...)