Being Pregnant is Dangerous Business - if You're One of my Cats

Seriously.

Some of you may also read Anne's blog and might remember her recent post about her not so good luck with cats.

Well, I have one to add to her cache.

We all know I am pregnant. With twins. Yeah, yeah, let's talk about something else for a change, please.

OK.

So I also have the World's Worst Cold. When you are knocked up your immune system slows waaaayyyyy down so as not to accidentally kill off the growing off-spring/parasite. Additionally, all of your bodily resources go toward growing those little buggers regardless of what happens to you (well, me).

Many people at work have been out sick. Or have come to work still sick. Or have had to leave work early because they were so sick they couldn't take it anymore. Luckily for me my compromised immune system was looking away long enough to allow me to catch this super-sickness.

Since last Tuesday evening I have been practically confined to bed. Not sleeping. No. Of course not. That would be too easy. I have been confined to bed unable to breathe through my nose because my sinuses are filled with concrete. My throat has been so sore that to breathe through my mouth felt like inhaling fiberglass. My ears complied by becoming increasingly sore and now are just so clogged that I can't hear a thing. Add to those symptoms a slight fever and the non-desire to eat a single thing. Intersperse with hacking dry cough and you have my World's Worst Cold.

Note: When pregnant one must limit the drugs, both over the counter, prescription and recreational that one may take. Couple this with the body's disinterest in curing itself and you're in for a long miserable convalescence.

So I have the humidifier, nasal strips, vicks vap-o-rub from 1953, OJ by the gallon, Stew Leonard's magical chicken soup (thanks mom), saline nasal spray and Shower Soothers. None of these things have done me a damn bit of good.

I tried Sudafed, as instructed by my Doc. No good. Tylenol, helped a bit with fever but that's it. Robitussin did nothing for my cough.

Now to the part about the cats.

Yesterday afternoon I was in bed (duh) and Mrs. Jinx and Godzilla decided to get into bed with me (as per the norm these days, they don't leave me alone anymore). I thought - self, maybe it would be a good idea to keep cats out of bedroom until sinuses return to normal. I then put them out of the room.

Godzilla is the bigger, slower, sweeter of the two cats. He took his time. So, I picked him up and placed him in the hallway and then I shut the door.

Whack.

SCHREEEEEEEEEECHHHHHH!!! MEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!

HHHHHIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Me: Oh SHIT!

I opened the door as quickly as I shut it. Attached to the door frame/jam/whatever was the tip of Godzilla's tail.

AGH! I scream for Ernie and pick up the cat who looks at me like I just castrated him. He is utterly confused and obviously in pain. My poor innocent baby!

I make Ernie take the fur off the door to see if there is bone/cartilage in it. He doesn't think so. We look at his tail and see the damage I had done.

I skinned him.

Took the skin right off. The bone/cartilage is now clearly exposed. It is bloody. It is almost severed. More like a giant indent.

My POOR Kitty!!! He just looks at me with his gigantic eyes like Mommy, why did you hurt me?

I am like weeping.

We take him down to the kitchen/triage center. Ernie puts on his leather gloves and I pour Hydrogen Peroxide into a bowl. Ernie holds Godzilla on the counter while I dip the end of his tail into the bowl of peroxide.

Cat screaming ensues.

His tail then starts whipping around, smacking Ernie in the face and basically soaking the kitchen in bloody peroxide. Nice. I am ready to barf.

Ernie calls his dad who tells him to let the cat lick it and he'll heal himself. I am in the background debating outloud whether or not we should bring him to the vet - on a Sunday afternoon. In a town where we have no vet.

Half an hour later Ernie picks him up again to look at his tail. Of course he had been to the litter box. Now there was litter in the wound. Horror of horrors!

We perform our little procedure again. Only this time I wrap his tail in a gauze pad secured with first aid tape. I taped it so tightly that Godzilla cried.

We put him down and within 5 second he has the bandage off.

Well.......

I kept him in bed with me the rest of his day and told him repeatedly to lick his tail. His tail seemed to have a mind of it's own and when he tried to lick it it would flick itself away. Poor kitty. Eventually I held his tail still so that he could get some good licks in.

Today the wound seems much better and Godzilla has obviously forgiven me, or forgotten the incident entirely. But I still feel soooo bad.

Poor Kitty. Pregnant women are clumsy. This is not a myth. We are also forgetful and absent minded. Cats should know this. They are very easy targets being so small and stealthy.

I only hope this stops when the babies come or we may all be in trouble. Luckily, I think they have already lost their tails.